Well, I guess this is the end of Michael's story... Today is July 17, 2000 and I still visit Michael's pages... My favorite page is the one with his little hand and foot prints on it that I have framed... When I look at this now, I feel as if I was being whiny, I do hope I didn't get on your nerves! However, anyone who has lost a child inutero, whether they were 1 month pregnant or 9 months (wow, can't imagine losing a child at 9 months!) knows how I felt... Before I lost Michael I was kind of blase towards people who had a miscarraige, I kind of figured "so? you can have another"... Now I know the heartache that comes with it...       I remember when I was getting my ultrasound at the hospital so they could check to see if Michael was alive or not, I was on that table and I could tell the girl was real uncomfortable with what she was seeing... My first son, 3 years old at the time, was running around the place and I had to keep calling him back (I had gone to the doctors office with him and had to cart him back and forth with me) - at that time we had just found out he had an autistic-spectrum disorder. So, the US technition called the doctor who then told me he didn't see any blood flow in the baby indicating the baby was dead. He said he was sorry and I could tell he was also uncomfortable. Funny how you try to spare others feelings when you yourself feel like you are dying on the inside! I told them that it's a good thing this wasn't my first baby! I wanted to make them feel better! jeez... Anyway, my son, who was being rambunctious, helped me keep my mind off of the fact I was carrying a dead baby in my tummy... That is a hard thing to know... Even so, I kept hoping I would feel Michael move anyway, hoping they were somehow wrong and that Michael was still alive... Funny how the mind works...       I wanted to say a special thank-you to the nurses who were present for Michael's birth... They tried real hard to make sure I was dealing with the situation and they checked in on me frequently to make sure I was ok... It was the extra personal attention they gave that I remember most.       Thank-you so much for being patient with my story...       PS: When I first made the Michael Webpages I cried all through them. Babs       Update: someone from where I work visited my website and I was accused of using the internet for personal time... What really happened was that I "had the nerve" to email the infection control doctor of the hospital with some concerns of mine and that did not sit too well with administration so they tried to fire me... One of the reasons they gave on my termination paper was use of the internet for personal reasons... I was not fired because my nurse manager did not fire me, she said I was too good a nurse... I think it was a scare tactic but still, if they REALLY wanted to they would have fired me... I was told someone had visited "that page about that fetus you had" which really hurt my feelings for some reason... I know Michael was "a fetus" but he was also my baby... This occurred early in 2002... I just wanted to comment on the fact that people don't realize how biting their words "about that fetus" can be.       And, BTW, the nurse who looked at my website at work admitted to doing it and they said "that's OK"... Others have used the internet for personal reasons (I've watched them do it and have told them they aren't supposed to) and they do not get into trouble. Just shows how upper management uses their power according to their discretion and how they aren't "fair" even though they claim they are...