I remember how I couldn't wait to reach the 20th week of my pregnancy because that meant I was half way thru the pregnancy and therefore had reached a milestone or so I thought... I just knew my baby was a boy... One night, Michael started kicking furiously, and I remember thinking to myself, "hmmm, they say that when a baby gets real active it could signal distress"... The next day, Michael was no longer moving...

      Oh, how I wish I had called the doctor! Would they have found the problem in time? I didn't feel Michael moving, kept saying to myself, "just wait, he's not very strong, you won't feel him move everyday"... But, I didn't feel him move again... I knew I should call the doctor, but, like a person who doesn't want the confirmation of cancer, I sat at home and thought about it CONSTANTLY, willing my baby to move... But, my Michael didn't move anymore... I finally went to work on Sunday night (I'm a nurse in a hospital) and was unable to find a heartbeat with a doppler... I rationalized, "he's small, he's turned funny, the doppler is messed up, I'm no expert- that's why I couldn't find it"... One woman at work asked, "were you this paranoid with your other pregnancies?" I decided to wait, I didn't want to seem paranoid or stupid or anything. I waited until that Thursday, when I already had a appointment... My belly was already starting to shrink in size but I didn't want to think about it... The doctor asked me about getting some blood tests done, I told him (outwardly in a matter-of-fact tone) "you better make sure the baby is alive before we make any decisions"... Dr. Branson looked at me surprised... I don't think he thought I was serious, he was sure I'd be wrong...